A'alaa AlMajnouni

‘A Business of Misery’ part 1 from the buttom.

In Lacrimosaic Me on February 10, 2011 at 11:25 am

its not only yesternight, where i realized how poorly miserable is me. Since it had been a long while, long enough, 7 years maybe or more when i stared my business in misery. the ironic thing here is though the long term of experience i still make no good, i keep falling and refalling harder than never! swallowed by agony and mistrust deep inside the abyss, alone and lonely!  but business is awesomer this time, for the latest devastating action took place  in my semi-deadable life at the same while where poor me was about to quit and start a viva fresh luminous phony one, at the celebritious moment i had divorced of my past 4  hellish years with those hateful mortals of collage and with my fresh stunning graduation! Alas, im cursed till my death! my youngest sister S, the headstogest among us, was almost dead! if she wasn’t and if she wasn’t reborned by a merciful miracle.  its all started with her being diagnosed by Wilson’s disease, a liver inability to expelled copper!  long story short, she got an acute liver failure!! and 16th of July 2010 its recorded as a dark day of my darkest.  My S, my dear S now is lost, however, she got a  miraculous successful liver transplantation, a month followed an invasion of seizures attacked her poor brain to topple her 4 more months in ICU with a total cognitive loss! O Lord! its 8 months since then, i hadn’t heard her voice or saw her adorable smile! its a time where her shadow hints me at night, when i do my hair, when i eat dark chocolate and using my iPod! and more killing whenever i smile! whenever i feel high and whenever I Try To Forget! I am so unable to live normally without feeling the guilt of living without her presence next to us, her sisters! im sick of avoiding to look at her bed, room, boxes, laptop, her stylish pieces and her favorite music and anime! not even her mangic drownings! my hearts is ripped each time i push the button ‘S’ in my keyboard! My Lord, i would not dare saying why, but i wished it was me who lost her memories! i wished its me who dies! i wished its me and not her! S, my S was all full of life, happiness and energy, she loves to live, she used to love living! she was a happy teenager, not like the gloomy me, never like me. i am so sick of watching her a dead walking body, a soul-less entity, a numb skeleton of once a happy healthy past! i cannot bare setting next to her, trying to kiss what left of her bony checks! or even try after a war to hug her tightly without a fear of smashing her body! im sick of her laying in the whitish bed at D4-KFSH, im sick of the hospitalic sterile, noises of alarms and bounces, painful cries! –

i   w o n d e r,  would it reach an end! my misery?  – </3

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